Thresholds, transitions - Maiden to Motherhood

Thresholds and transitions

Thresholds are times in our lives when we transition from one place, perhaps a place of familiarity and comfort, to a different place that is may be new, unfamiliar, longed for, or maybe even feared.

These points of transition matter, they are part of our inner growth, a path to self-awareness that builds empathy and connection with ourselves, our families and our communities.

Jung called these points of growth individuation. Think of them as an internal quest, where you confront internal aspects of your psyche, integrating them to build a higher level of self-awareness. It’s an inner journey where you may face challenges and obstacles. A time when you sometimes must dig deep, to break old patterns of behaviour, sometimes even generational.

This is sometimes also known as the hero’s journey. A classic storytelling structure, and with good reason - you are writing a story, the story of your life.

What is a threshold?

You don’t know what it will be like once you step over the threshold - that moment where you are between two places. This is a space of promise, of learning; it’s also a place of loss. It’s Kairos, the moment between moments, where somehow hope, desire, worry, excitement, uncertainty and even anguish collide. In my mind I sometimes see it as an infinite galaxy, of stars being birthed - a place where anything can exist.

In women’s lives these thresholds are marked by our biology. The onset of the menarche, pregnancy, the birth of a mother, menopause. These all involve profound changes that invite you to investigate, intuit and individuate from.

Thresholds can be defined by power and impotence. They can be shaped by people who surround you, the environment you are in and the experiences you’ve had. The culture that circles your threshold and the people in it all have a bearing on the experience you have.

You may be fortunate to have been raised to see the power in these transitions, to be supported through rituals, love and spiritual guidance. Or you may live in a culture that ridicules, lessens and debases the potentiality of your experience.

Let’s take a look at what the growth journey is for pregnancy and birth.

Pre-conception

Much neglected, preconception is mostly bypassed. But this is also a threshold from one moment of not-being pregnant to being pregnant. It’s baby’s threshold from soul to the beginnings of consciousness. I remember when I wanted to start a family I meditated a lot on it, and one day I felt my son come in. To this day I can’t explain the feeling, but it was a light in the dark, his soul settling.

The moment of conception can take place in different forms, in different places but honouring that space and time, honours the earliest of thresholds in your journey, and in your baby’s journey.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a time when your body is changing beyond recognition, you know that one of the biggest thresholds is upon you. You may be consciously aware of that transition, spiritually and physically connected with your baby, or you may be busy, distracted, dissociated.

As you navigate pregnancy, you may not enjoy being pregnant, that’s ok, that’s a test for you as you continue this journey. But equally, you may love the changes in your body, enjoying the experience of being pregnant, witnessing the power in your body, deeply connected to the changes happening within.

Birth Beginning. Nearing the threshold.

As labour begins you get nearer to the threshold, there is no turning back. You may meet a helper, this may be an antenatal teacher, a doula or a midwife. At this point there may be trials, you may feel at points that it’s impossible, but as you journey on through labour, you discover resources within you that you didn’t know you had, you uncover a new level of power, although you may not yet be consciously aware of that.

You go deeper still along the path, to the hardest part of all, transition, the moment that deep down you know your baby is coming, that there is no turning back. The deepest parts of you know at this point that you are about to transition into a different stage of your life, that pregnancy is ending and motherhood is beginning in a new and different form.

This is the death and rebirth of the hero’s journey, and it’s immense.

Don’t underestimate the unconscious power of this moment. You may want to run away, but you can’t, the path doesn’t go backwards. Your path is always forwards.

You may want someone to rescue you, something to soften the intensity of this moment, but they can’t. Only you can emerge from this, this is your story, your power.

Remember, that no one else can walk your journey for you, your guides are other women, doulas, midwives during pregnancy. These may be people you learn from, lean on, who mentor you and help prepare you.
You may be ready for this moment. But you may find it hard to let go of pregnancy. I’ve seen women tense up at this point in labour, and when talking with them afterwards they confess that they did not want to let go of their pregnancy, their baby felt safe in their womb. This can be for many reasons, their own loss, trauma in early life, fear or worry of the world around them, or simply a deep nurturing instinct and loving the experience of being so close to their baby.

In those moments as a doula, I use gentle encouraging suggestion to create a sense of calm, a letting of pregnancy and I help to create the space for deep unconscious realisation that it’s time for the next stage and that they have the knowledge and strength within them to step over this threshold.

Suddenly in what seems like minutes you come out the other side of transition. This moment of death and rebirth. Contractions are more regular again. You feel amazed that you are doing it, you are suddenly witness to your strength and are in awe of who you are becoming.

And then your baby is born, each of you has crossed your own threshold, but you have done it together. Your baby into being in this world and you, into motherhood.

You return to the room, the world, changed. A mother, more powerful than before.

This is what birth can do.

But......

What we can do as friends, doulas or partners to support you

• We can help prepare you by teaching you the incredible ability of your body to birth. Things you aren’t routinely taught.

• We can be reflective listeners, helping you through times of self-doubt, turning your attention to the discomfort in change and helping you navigate through it. 

• We can trust you, your instinct, your decisions and your body.

• We are comfortable in how you choose to express yourself during labour, we can be by your side without judgement.

• We can encourage you when it’s hard.

• We are witnesses to your growth.

• We see you, we hear you, we hold you.

• But we do not do it for you.

What you can do :

• Start preparing early on with books and audio

• Educate yourself and learn about the incredible changes your body undertakes during pregnancy and birth.

• Start to explore what type of parenting fits your values; this may mean uprooting generational and learned patterns.

• Reflect on your fears and worries, preferably with someone trained to do that. Remember the me I cannot see! These can affect birth.

• In the last weeks prepare for the first weeks – read a book like my Mindful Mamma book so you are fully prepared from the moment your baby is born.

• Think about who is supporting your through the birth, do you think they can sit on their hands, that they are free of worry, that they won’t try and fix things?

• Prepare for the unexpected. Have a well thought through birth plan, and be ready with skills and questions to navigate any changes from a place of strength not fear.

• Learn how to set boundaries and feel comfortable with saying “no” when it doesn’t feel right.

• Listen to hypnosis tracks to create a deep, unmovable sense of “I am ready for whatever comes, I can do it”.

• Do a hypnobirthing course, or any antenatal course that covers the above!